Everything that I do in my personal life is literally to make sure that my mental state stays above water,” Bella says. “Fashion can make you or break you”

 

Even without the benefit of her sister’s follow-up, it’s hard to imagine one with a richer portfolio of mitigations. In addition to medications, supplements, psychotherapy, cryotherapy, hyperbaric oxygen therapy, IV vitamins, muscle testing, meditation and The Artist’s Way, Bella has a lively spiritual practice, Includes angelic communication and chakra balancing. While her family is not religious, she grew up with the Jewish traditions of her friends and godparents, and she is interested in Islam, her father’s faith. “I am a very spiritual person and I find that I connect with all religions,” she said. “Human nature is right, but for me, it’s not about my god or your god. I just call on whoever is willing to be there for me.”

Last May, during the most violent conflict between Israel and Gaza in years, Bella shared a video of herself at a pro-Palestinian rally in Bay Ridge, Brooklyn. The nation of Israel, tweeted from her official account, that she is calling for the effective abolition of the Jewish state. This was an accusation that caused her great pain. “I really respect Judaism and I think it’s a beautiful religion,” she said. “This is about a government system that oppresses the people. After that happened, I spent days suffering in my own mind, trying to write everything down. And I always feel like I’m damned if I do and damn if I don’t. I would never want anyone who can’t have a place that they feel is their home. But I feel that the Palestinians deserve it, too. That is a big conundrum. ”

For most of the last year, Bella has been feeling better. And then, on the first morning of New York Fashion Week last September, she woke up and started crying before her eyes even opened. She worked 15 straight days and by her estimates 350 days a year for the past seven years, and on that day she had eight suits and three shows. For the first time in her career, she stepped back from her commitments. And again, people have things to say. Even though she believes she has no choice – that her damaged nervous system cannot survive another fashion cycle – she is still tormented with guilt. She deleted her Instagram. “I don’t have FOMO for parties or outings,” she says. “I have FOMO for work.

If I say no to something and someone else does it, that’s hard for me. I hate it.” After a few days confined to her apartment, she went to the farm in Pennsylvania and established a daily routine. She woke up, made a smoothie, wrote in her journal, rode her horse, had lunch with her mom, visited with her sister and her niece. “When you are forced to be perfect every day, in every picture, you start to look at yourself and need to see perfection at all times, and it’s just not possible,” Bella says. “That month off was really helpful for me.”